When the World Conspires Against Me

This week, I set out to take the kids to the free movie at the local theater (by local, I mean about 45 minutes away – I live in the boonies…). The last time I did this, we barely got in, so this time, I set out early. At nine o’clock am, we all headed out the door… only to find that my husband had taken my van to work. No biggie. He works less than a mile away. So, I jumped in his truck and drove to his work, switched cars with him and returned for the kids. “Good thing we we started early,” I thought.

Thinking we had plenty of time even so, we merrily headed down the hill to town. But, very quickly, I started to worry. Road work signs littered the shoulder. The only road to town (without going way out of my way) was being resurfaced, and went down to one lane for a long stretch. We waited in a long line of cars, before (ever so slowly) following the lead car to the far end of the construction. “Okay,” I thought, “So we will get there just a few minutes early. We can still make it.”

Except, now, we were behind a line of cars who, inexplicably wanted to drive 10 miles under the speed limit. “You gotta be kidding,” I ground my teeth and tried to be positive.

Almost there, just a few more blocks…. and wouldn’t you know it? A detour! That is right. This last leg of the journey had road construction in progress, as well! The detour took us about 6 blocks, and ten minutes, out of the way.

“Guys,” I addressed my crew, “You might want to start preparing yourselves…. I don’t think we are going to make it.” Then, the cute little sports car in front of me braked upon approaching a green light, and I had had enough! I laid on the horn and became very … ahem… put out. (“Mama,” Abby said, alarmed, “I have never seen you use the horn before!”)

We pulled into the parking lot with 2 minutes to spare, and a good long walk to the theater entrance. Hoping against hope, we started out at a brisk walk (me with baby on one hip and 3 year old on the other). While walking, my watch started beeping. Ten o’clock. Rats!

Of course, we were turned away at the door, and I was left standing in front of the theater with four dejected kids. I considered paying to see a regular movie for about three seconds, and then I saw the Jamba Juice sign and knew how to fix it.

Five smoothies and a couple hours in the playground were sufficient to ease the bitter pang of disappointment.  But, I was still frustrated! How could so many random things happen in one simple drive (that I accomplish without incident all the time)?

I pondered this thought as I drove home, being careful to take a different route…. and, wouldn’t ya know it? On my alternate route home, I was slowed by two more road construction projects! That was when I realized, it isn’t the world conspiring against me. It isn’t even that God was keeping us from seeing that movie (“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” is hardly the devils manifesto).

No, it was Obama and his stinking “stimulus” plan that ruined my day.

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5 thoughts on “When the World Conspires Against Me

  1. Well you know, free movies aren’t exactly giving the president any tax revenue and people with 1.5 kids are ten times as likely to stop by a McD’s on the way home from the free theater bc it was free and now they can afford lunch.
    All kidding aside your last line made me laugh so hard, my kids thought I was crazy. Thanks.

  2. Is that where all the “road resurfacing” around here is coming from??

    Hahahahhaahhahahahahahaha!!

    You crack me up! And – so true! Obamanation is ruining everything. 🙂

    Thanks for the laugh (and the wonderful comment on my “normal guy” post I got to read this morning – you get what I’m saying).

  3. this can be filed under “things you will never hear my kids say”:

    (“Mama,” Abby said, alarmed, “I have never seen you use the horn before!”)

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