Today I feel very inferior. My thoughts about myself have been very harsh.
As I got dressed, “I am so fat. And lazy. Fat and lazy. And if I wasn’t so lazy, then I wouldn’t be so fat.”
As I brushed my teeth, “Today is definitely a makeup day. I am so unattractive.”
As I prepared to write a blog post, “What could I possibly say that would be interesting or benefit any one? I am such a big dork.”
But, here is the deal. While there may be a bit of truth in each of those thoughts, they are all based on emotion.
Think about that for one minute. How I feel about myself is based on how I feel. And when has how I feel ever been worth anything?
Heck, just a few days ago my thoughts were totally different.
As I got dressed, “Hey, these pants are a tad looser. Look at me. I am so hot!”
As I brushed my teeth, “Who needs make up? I am a natural beauty.”
As I made breakfast, “I am getting pretty good at this house-wife thing. I should blog about this genius breakfast I am making.”
See what I am saying? Not much changed between last week and this, but my thoughts about myself are like night and day.
My perception about my weight, my ability, my style, my looks, my coolness… it is all up and down.
There are many factors that influence how I think about myself, but one thing is for sure –
My opinion of myself is not based on the truth. I know this because truth never changes. Feelings change, though, don’t they?
If I was thin and gorgeous last week, I am thin and gorgeous this week. The truth is that I am neither fat nor thin, but somewhere in the middle. The truth is that I am neither very industrious nor very lazy. The truth is that I prefer knitting to strenuous work. The truth is that my house could be cleaner, but it isn’t really that bad.
The truth is that how I feel about it changes nothing.
I say all that to get to this one point.
How I am feeling about myself today is of little importance because how I feel will change from day to day.
The truth is what is important.
So, where do I find the truth about me?
The Bible tells me who I am – A child of God, worthy of great sacrifice, loved eternally, blessed abundantly, and created to be beautiful, talented, and industrious. I choose to believe these things about myself because it is the Truth about Me.
A bit closer to home, it looks like this:
When this thought “I am such a fat dork” flits through my head, I grab it, look at, and hold it up to the truth. It looks a lot different in the light.
Now I see that the truth is that I am a little overweight. The truth is that I am not really concerned about loosing any weight right now because I am still nursing, and furthermore, I am not ever going to be Barbie. I don’t want to be Barbie. I want to be healthy and active, being skinny isn’t really that important to me. The truth is that being cool isn’t really that high on my priority list and if I wanted to be cooler than maybe I ought to subscribe to Vogue or something. The truth is that The Man thinks I am pretty hot, and my friends think I am cool enough to hang out with me on a regular basis. The truth is that I am a pretty average mother of six who will lose a little weight some day and who smiles a lot.
And I am pretty much okay with that right now.
What is the truth about you?