What’s that? I am six days late? My apologies to all of you who rang in the new year on time, but I am just getting around to it. We have been the reluctant hosts of a nasty little stomach bug since before Christmas and I am just too happy that we are all not barfing any more to care that Christmas and New Years were a total bust this year. At last, today, six days late, I start the new year. Today the kids begin their second term of school, I begin living up to various resolutions (both knitting and food related), and here on the blog, I recap the old and ring in the new. So….
Happy New Year!
I’ve got to fess up and tell you that I have been a bit blue looking over the last year. Twenty-thirteen was a toughy. I spent the first six months of the year suffering through a pregnancy that I was still struggling to accept, a pregnancy which culminated in the birth of our blessing, and her subsequent diagnosis, hospital stay, and breastfeeding/weight gain issues. I was just starting to feel better and The Blessing was putting on weight and eating well when that Christmas sickness knocked us all down again. It was very discouraging.
These things were made harder to bear by the extremely tight finances. With very little money to play with on special occassions, our 15th Anniversary was a dud, my birthday was practically ignored, and our Christmas was meager. Then there was the time when my wallet was stolen, along with two weeks worth of grocery money in it. And the time my credit card was used at a hotel in Conneticut (hint: I live in California).
To top it all off, close friends suffered also this year, and I grieved sorely for broken marriages, lost babies, and empty wallets.
But it is as they say, that every cloud has a silver lining.
The pregnancy that I didn’t want and that I suffered greatly through, gave me the most amazing blessing that anyone could ask for. Her birth was exactly as I had wanted, her smile makes my heart ache with happiness, and her life is more precious than anything.
The hospital stay was probably the scariest thing that I have ever endured, but it was only a week long. The Blessing’s Down syndrome did not come with any life threatening conditions and did not require heart surgery, feeding tubes, or long term medical care. Though she was born with TMD (a form of leukemia), it was gone before she was discharged from the hospital. Our baby is now a healthy, happy six month old.
Down syndrome has not been the life changer that I thought it was going to be. So far, The Blessing has not been delayed at all, and she is very much a normal baby, with only her regular therapy sessions to remind us that she does, indeed, have an extra chromosome. Well, that and her eyes, her gorgeous, blue, almond-shaped eyes.
When my wallet was stolen and we had no idea how we were going to buy food for the next two weeks, I told the kids that this was our chance to see how God takes care of His children. We prayed and asked for Him to provide for us. And He did. People heard what had happened and started giving us money. A little here, a little there, and in less than a week we had more than we had lost!
On Christmas morning, after the stockings were opened and breakfast was eaten, we opened our front door to find that someone had piled up a Christmas miracle on our doorstep. Gifts of socks, shirts, and sweaters for everyone, a big box of food, and an envelope containing a Costco gift card and a typed note. I seriously cried as I watched the kids open these very unexpected gifts.
I realize now, looking back over 2013, that I can see it two different ways. I can see it with my blue lenses, my woe-is-me glasses, and cry over all the hardship that I endured. Oh, what a struggle it was to get through this past year! Oh, the things that I have had to endure! Oh, the trials that I have faced!
Or, I can instead put on my rose colored glasses, my life-is-good lenses, and see how it really was.
Even in my discontent, God provides.
Even in my weakness, He shows me his strength.
Even in my trials, He comforts me.
And, honestly, if that was the worst year of my life, then I have had it pretty easy.
So here I am at the start of a fresh, new year. I have great hopes for this year. I’m going to be healthy and strong. I have creative goals and personal goals. I have ideas for homeschooling and memory making and training our kids up in the way that they should go. But I also have the memory of a very tough year to remind me that even when things don’t go the way that I hope they will, God is always in control and He has me in His very capable hands.