Knitting a Prayer

In the last two years I have come to know of many moms who have lost their babies. A baby gone after only a few weeks in her mother’s arms, a miscarriage, a stillborn child – news of this kind breaks my heart. A woman I never knew before suddenly becomes so dear a comrade to me in that sisterhood of unbearable loss and I weep for her as I wept after my own miscarriage two summers ago. So when I was told of yet another lost baby, another mother who will never hold her baby this side of heaven, my heart broke yet again.

The square pictured above is for a quilt for this mourning mother. And though I don’t even know her name, as I knit each stitch, I prayed for her. I prayed peace and comfort. I prayed that she would be surrounded by those who know what to say and when to say nothing. I prayed for her family and her husband. I prayed healing and new life for her heart and her home.

When I had prayed all I could pray for her, I thought of other moms whose names I know and I prayed for them, too. I prayed joy for those in mourning. I prayed peace for those in turmoil. I prayed comfort for those whose hearts are still raw from the pain. I prayed healing for the families who are missing the presence of a crib and the sound of a new baby’s cry.

If you have your babies, then hold them. Thank God for them. Enjoy them.

And pray with me for those who don’t.

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One Year Ago Today….

Do you ever think that?  I did recently and wanted to share it here, but now a week has passed, so it is a little more like this:

One year and eight days ago….

…. I was pregnant. Very pregnant. Uncomfortable pregnant. And it was blazing hot. The kids and I met our friends at the lake for a picnic and a  cooling swim. Pleasant conversation and hours of knitting under the big shade tree with my dearest friend were what was on the agenda. Then tragedy struck. (As an aside, you never prepare for tragedy. You don’t plan it in. Notice it wasn’t listed in the agenda sentence a moment ago.) My four year old daughter, after stripping down to bathing suit, ran to play on what she thought was a big, white rock. That big, white rock turned out to be a smoldering pile of ash leftover from a control burn earlier that week .

Fast forward a few hours later. Sitting next to my daughters hospital bed fighting back the tears and the fears. The doctors had been wonderful, but brutally honest. After stripping her legs and feet of all the burned tissue, they were grim. Third degree burns that probably needed skin grafts. Swelling that could cause her to loose toes. There was talk about developmental issues and growth problems. They put her on morphine and kept her in the hospital overnight. I was terrified, crushed, and so, so sad.

I like to play this little “One Year Ago Today Game” because, when I think back to that horrible day, that led to horrible weeks, and even a few horrible months, I am encouraged. Through it all, I wondered how it would turn out and I prayed to God everyday for strength, healing and a good outcome. And He answered my prayers. My (now) five year old girl runs, laughs and plays with only a few ugly scars on her right foot to show that she has been through any trauma at all. She barely remembers the pain, the hospital or the physical therapy (which, by the way, was the worst part).  She has already overcome her fear of fire, too, which was the thing I worried most about. One year (and eight days) later, and I can see how far God has brought us, how blessed we are and the answers to so many prayers I prayed through tears.

He kept the new baby in the womb until Beka could walk again.

He provided a way to pay for all the hospital bills.

He erased her memory of the most terrible parts.

He kept her strong and high spirited.

He healed her wounds and kept her from most of the scarring.

He is faithful.

So, what happened to you one year ago today?