Upset

Two years ago this month. That’s when the upset began.

I was content with my life. I had six perfect kids. I was comfortable with our income, our home, our car. I was complacent in my belief system. I was stagnant.

I was due for an upset.

And then it came. In triplicate.

First came the pregnancy test that heralded another nine months of morning sickness, heartburn, and depression. Month after month I did little more than vomit, wish I wasn’t having a baby, feel guilty for not wanting the baby, and then throw up again. I lived on the couch, watching Netflix and trying to keep down a bite of something, anything. My house was a wreck and I was a wreck. My only hope was in knowing that it would end and I would a have a beautiful baby to show for it.

Then came the birth, and with it the next upset. Down syndrome accompanied my Blessing into this world, calling into question everything I thought I knew about health, parenting, and faith. My baby flirted with death and for months I’d rock her to sleep with my heart silently pleading, “Live! Grow! Thrive!” I spent her early days redefining my mothering practices and wondering if she’d live another day. But she did live, and she grew stronger. We got comfortable with her diagnosis and fell into complacency once again.

Then came the next big upset. It became necessary for us to move out of our home of nine years. The hunt for a new place to call home became my new turmoil. I wondered where we would live, or if we could find a place or would we be homeless? I pleaded with God to give us a place to call our own, a place perfect for us. And He did. He didn’t give me what I thought I wanted, but as always, He gave me what I needed. And so we moved and changed and grew a little more.

For the last two years my life has experienced great upset. And while I long for peace and security, I recognize that it is through adversity that I become stronger, more faithful, and closer to God.

It is through the pain of pregnancy that I was given The Blessing.

It was the through disappointment of her diagnosis that I was introduced to an amazing community of people who were born with an extra chromosome and have so much to offer the world.

It is through losing our old home that we were able to move into a home much more fitting a family of nine.

And it is through all of these upsets that I drew nearer to God. Relying on Him to provide, calling on Him to heal, resting in His peace, and allowing Him to be my Father as well as my God.

Blogging through all of this has been a challenge and recently I have neglected it all together. It is hard to pretend that all is well. I’m not a good liar. Besides that, I want this blog to be a place of inspiration and encouragement , not a place for me to air all my dirty laundry. But today I’m being real. Life is hard, but it is also good.

I hope that the upsets are over for now and I can have some nice things to write about. I know that I have a lot of knitting and spinning to do and to share. I also have some thoughts about homeschooling, parenting, and babies. Then there are the things God has shown me about Himself in the past two years, and everyday that I sit and listen. I have some political rantings, too, but I promise to keep those to a minimum. The point is, I see more blogging in my future. I’ve missed it.

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